I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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