this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
