I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
