well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
