babies were throwing up all over the place
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
