yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
