we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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