Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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