so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
