someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
