Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My ass is underappreciated
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
