I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
