Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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