i jhust puked up my retainher.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
