whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
