roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
