So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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