She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize