i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
