his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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