hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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