Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
