Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this boner is exhausting
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
