We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
