C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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