he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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