he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
