Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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