Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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