Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
