sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
