I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
