This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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