love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
