Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so let's talk penis.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
