So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
