Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
