bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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