I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
