i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
