I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
