Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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