he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
