Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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