i jhust puked up my retainher.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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