My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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