from now on my penis is your penis
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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