i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
