I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
