There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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