I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
