i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
