my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
