Just fell off a train. Bad.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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