it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
