wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
