When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize