I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
