I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
someone owes me an orgasm
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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