Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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