Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
