i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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