she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I look better un-naked...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
