we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
