Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
