Can i not drive my cunt home
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
