everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My penis needs a shock collar
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
