youre lurking in front of me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
