I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
