This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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