my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
