also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
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i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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