True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
