Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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