best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
