how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
