I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
