Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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