Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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