She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
