Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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