Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
this will be a night to untag.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
