I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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